An article I wrote last year, I think…my inspiration, Carrie Bradshaw! :)
In this modern world, most people would say that they really don’t mind if they’re dating someone who had slept with the entire basketball varsity team or each one of the cheerleaders back then. But why is it, that this question always comes up in one way or another; whether it be after sex, over coffee or while watching your favorite TV show? Well, we should admit that sometimes, it really does matter; simply because it satisfies our endless curiosity; however, more often than not, it just becomes a point of comparison or worse, it becomes a threat, a reason to be insecure with your lovers’ past.
For most men, this question is somewhat irrelevant or annoying because they don’t really count or maybe they don’t really care and quite frankly, around 75% of men would have an awkward reaction to that “how many has there been?” question. But for a modern Pinay, it’s kinda hard to answer immediately because we have different lists; some prefer an actual list on their sacred little journals and some just keep a mental note.
So, for the purpose of statistics or shall I say reminiscing, I have come up with my very own “roster”:
1. The Official “Ex”
These are the people with whom you celebrate “monthsary or anniversary” with and expressly label as “Boyfriend or Girlfriend”. You could’ve introduced them to your friends or even to your family. They are the people who you secretly thought of being “The One’ but unfortunately didn’t. This is the list you give your present lover, for safety reasons of course except when he specifically asks for the “other lists”.
2. The “Fubu” or Fuckbud
They can also be called booty calls or friends with benefits. These are the people with whom you’ve experienced your “best sex-ever”. They are the ones you just don’t have any feelings for. You can be your wildest with them and you could try all your sexual fantasies with them. Of course it’s a discreet kind of relationship that no one could find out except maybe your closest friends but it’s really better not to spill, trust me. It would be better to pretend you don’t know each other in public and just introduce yourselves whenever you hit the sack for another steamy session.
3. The “One-Night-Stand”
And when I say one, yes, I mean it. And don’t even think that afternoons and mornings don’t count, of course it does; just as long as you only had sex with the person once, that’s enough to consider him a part of this list. These are the people you probably met in a bar or at a party; however, they are not necessarily strangers, sometimes they could even be long-time friends of yours that you’ve been dying to “feel” in bed. They usually are the “shoulder to cry on” type of people with whom you’ve shared your heartbreak with only to find out that you are suddenly epitomizing your vulnerability with them. They can also be the people you have “drunk sex” with.
Writer’s Note: Whenever you see girls who are hailing cabs early in the morning who are still in their party clothes with a guy who’s wearing his boxers or any type of “pambahay” to see them off, they probably just had a one-night stand.
4. The “Fling”
Basically, these are the type of people that you once thought you could get serious with but then maybe on your second or third date, you find out something that instantly disqualifies them from being a potential partner. They are the people you’ve shared special moments with OR without the sex factor. To make the long story short, you really like them, but there’s just no spark! Sometimes they even end up as your “fubu” or better yet, your best friend.
So, how many minutes did it take for you to be able to count and categorize each one of them? We should all bear in mind that experience is the best teacher and at the end of the day, your rosters won’t even matter unless you allow it to be a hindrance to your present relationship. You must learn how to accept his past because it can help you understand him better. You should be grateful that you have the chance to be with him at present and make the most out of your relationship. You should never be insecure instead, just use his past as a “secret guide” to make him “The One” so that hopefully, he won’t ever be a part of your very own “roster” in the future.